sometimes when youre down
it helps to ask yourself
"what is the worst part of your life, anyhow, whiner?"

yes it's over for me and my girl and yes the cubs suck shit
and it doesnt look like my etoys stock is going to go up
and it looks like i'm actually going to have to wear a suit sometime soon like a loser

but the worst thing going on in my life present tense is not the crazy woman who is accusing me of fathering her 10 year old daughter, it is the fact that my beloved vending machine greets me in the morning at 6am with nothing but orange juice and empty slots of cold air. where is the apple juice?

after rene and i toured europe for the first time we splurged on our last two nights on a fancy hotel room in amsterdamm and for breakfast buffet they had no apple juice and i was all where is the juice from the apples! who does a guy have to know to get apple juice here? i can get weed or women or rides on a canal in this town but no apple juice in a fancy hotel in holland? it didnt translate well.

i expected a little more apple juice