thousands of brand new readers to this page have come to gaze at the lovliness and be inspired by the words.

do they drop a tip in the bucket?

do they write an email of love in my direction?

do they even leave a comment at the bottom of the post?

maybe they don't know that they're allowed to.

(you're allowed to.)

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these days are just speeding by, if i was dick riordan i would just give my friends the money and hang on cuz life goes fast and my friends are about to soar.

sad thing about the former mayor, who owns the best diner in LA, whose waiters are ex-cons ive been told-- if he doesnt finance the newspaper, my friends will find financing themselves and in knocking down the Times a few notches, they will utterly destroy any conservative courageousless competition in its way, specifically run by someone who got their undies in a bunch and lit a fire under their asses.

yesterday Rabbit hinted a nice hint about how she would want to write for the boys, Cathy Seipp gave a taste of how she would write for the new daily, Ben would make a great Business section editor but i like his tech stuff way better, Ru Paul could cover West Hollywood and you laugh but when did the Times ever pay any attention to one of the few real neighborhoods in this city and weho is wonderful, mc brown should have a weekly music column (as should kate) but marc could take pictures too, Bathtub Girl could give everyone massages and provide the ambient tunes, of course there would be illustrations and comics from todd, chris scheer could cover the LA Raiders even though they've moved to Oakland, emmanuelle would add a little je ne sais pas class, oh and ken and matt would cover the city in a way that hasnt happened in quite a while.

who knows, such a paper might even bring superstars like bonnie, charlie, and dooce out of retirement.

i'd be bummed if Drudge was invited, but im a team player, i would just go about my business, secretly thinking that a. beam is ten times better.

but dick, think about it, you even entertain the notion that middle aged guys with wives kids and mortgages can change the world, but when has that ever been the case outside of war? it's the kids that make the difference and according to the rings around my trunk ive got about 15 more minutes to be a kid.

and why even bother listening to those in the established circles of journalism? of course they're going to tell you that it's a bad idea to compete head-to-head with the Times. those are the people who would look the most foolish if a paper did come out of nowhere and kicked ass-- they'd look like the lazy slackers that they are.

there are only a handful of magical superstars who can do the job that you say you want done and we're all right here right now for a reason, and never has that reason been louder or clearer until you showed up with your crazy little vision.

... and just imagine the web site.

me, i would cover the women's tennis association.

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because that dodger thing was messed up, im going to keep it up one more day now that it's fixed. thanks charlie and kenny b. for your help.

tonight i thawed some frozen shrimp, added seasoning and made Shrimp D' George on my newly acquired George Foreman grill. who doesnt like grilled shrimp?

served with a can of green beans and a baked potato, i really cant complain with the results.

anna lost in croatia yesterday. i didnt want to bring it up, but i thought i probably should.

ask me what color her top was.

go ahead.

blue.

why are these chicks so stubborn? what exactly is the point being made? that you will suffer to prove your independence?

we're all independent.

now just put on the white top... burn the blue one! all you do is lose in that one... put on the white top and swallow your pride and win.

and smile.

karisa's birthday is saturday. her mom and sister came out. we're going to see sammy sosa tonight.

we've done so many things together its hard to believe ive only known her two years.

shes a killer friend and a wonderful person and i hope sammy waves at her mom.

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sonny is not at all impressed with the site.

"dude, we need to talk." he said.

what?

"whats up with you putting your stats on your page? what are you showing off?" he started.

im not showing off, sonny, i just cant believe that last month i got 300,000 hits. it's an all-time record for this site and im thanking the readers.

"bullshit. Bull-Shit! you're showing off, you got all this popularity and instead of making something good out of it you've got to beat your chest and say, 'see how cool i am!' we know how cool you are, no need to bask in the glory of it all."

thats not whats going on at all, doooode. there is very little to brag about or be proud about sitting at a computer and--

"and whats this Penthouse bullcrap?"

sonny, anna kournikova's honor was being disrespected by a pornographer--

"who, you?"

no, not me, by bob guccionne. he said he had pictures of her and they werent her, so i had to expose it. fucking Drudge didnt say shit, and no "respectable" news organization is making a stand. all theyre doing is quoting her lawyer, who, of course is going to say it's not her. but it really isnt her.

"so it takes you 35 pages to explain that? each one with a nuder and nuder picture of the little girl?"

all i was doing, you friggin hypocrite, was showing her a lot so that people who might not be as familiar as you and i are to her could see the alleged pictures of her and make a reasonable judgement.

"so you were doing a public service or some shit?"

yes, out of the goodness of my own heart.

"and if it was Charlotte Rae who Penthouse said they had pictures of, you'd dedicate 35 pages to her to?"

uh...

"youre so full of shit, tony pierce, i cant even believe you. how many hits did this scamola get you."

its not a scamola yesterday i got 68,000 hits. my total for the year is close to a million already and we're just in may.

"you're a sell out, tony. plain and simple."

thats your opinion, pin head. and as soon as im done with the poll on the left, where i am asking people what they want to see more of on the site (which, by the way, just as many people are saying to "leave it alone" as are saying "more naked chicks") i will ask them if they think im a sell out.

"well, the only person whose opinion matters is--"

mine.

"wrong again."

well, not yours.

"no, i was going to say, fuck head, is the opinoin of the next girl that you hit on. by the way, nice job breaking ashley's heart. i bet you feel like a big man on that too. no wonder the mayor doesnt wanna work with any of you."

go drink some more, asshole. youre an ugly drunk and really ugly sober.

"fine, and why dont you go put some more titties on your page and then ask people to give you a buck."

maybe i will!

"oh wait, have them buy books off of amazon, or buy Dong Brothers tshirts?"

hey, they buy them somewhere, they may as well buy them through me.

"FRIENDS dvds?!!"

it's the complete first season

"is tony even in there? fuck, you're worse than U2, you preach one thing, but as soon as you have their confidence you hold out your hand. i hope you get athletes foot or some shit. karma, brotha, karma."

whatever.

"and your baseball blog sucks."

and when he went to piss in my toilet, i ran outside and let the air out of one of his tires.

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i have a serious problem, no matter what i do i cant finish a photo essay or a web page or a series of webpages before 2am.

the problems that ensue are massive. first of all spelling and grammar are totally thrown out the window.

then, of course, shit like today happens. greg and molli and laura and i went to see the dodgers play last night. and here i am writing my blog from a helicopter high above the 405 from my palm pilot. i have downloaded my email and my buddy ken wrote me asking, "where the hell does your dodger page go to?"

i pull up the photo essay that i spent all night making, and lo and behold the first page doesnt have a link to anywhere.

im such an idiot.

this is why oliver willis gets way more hits than me, and why max power is listed on Instapundit list of links and im catering the purient interests for the almighty hit.

this page, patient readers, goes to this page. when they make Dreamweaver for the Palm Pilot i'll be able to fix these problems from the road. in the meantime, let's all give much love to the good people of Blogger.

and i'll give my thanks to Greg's poppa, my dear friends, and to you.

p.s. if you do click on the anna link about her being in Penthouse, there will be some nudity, sorry if i didnt make that clear yesterday.

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anna anna anna after a night of putting together 30 some pictures of the most talked-about medicore tennis star, you think i'd be tired of her by now, but no.

i think it's fascinating all the hoopla and hype around this young woman who has yet to win a tournament.

all this trouble because she looks like a swedish teen and doesnt mind wearing clothes two sizes too small.

we intellectual men, raised with structure and sensitivity, bred in an era where ERA was just as much a movement as a pitching statistic, have been taught to look deeper than the hypnotic blue eyes, slightly curved hips, muscular-yet-feminine legs, and cutesy-pie ponytail to find the real woman inside.

you'd think that this generation would be as interested in a woman's beliefs and talents and intellect, and not just her flesh.

you'd think that in this information age where the average male web surfer of say, 25 years old, has seen far more images of naked girls that his father, his grandfather, and five generations of men before him combined, and therefore wouldnt bombard a site like this one that hinted to the possiblity of one more pair of... blue eyes.

but it's not so.

yesterday a web page that was (un)fortunate enough to be ranked extremely high by Google when one typed in "anna kournikova nude" linked to this very blog as a sort of expert in all things anna. this blog was examined up and down by the visitors in a hungry quest to find the pictures of the young russian.

yesterday, unfortunately for the seekers, i had nothing for them to find.

today i do.

it's not as cool as free ice cream night at Baskin Robbin's tonight, but it's the best i have to give.

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kirsten says don't you get any bad notes or emails from people?

i say, yeah, i just delete them.

she says what about the bad things that people might say about you on other sites?

i say, theres two voices in your head at all times. theres the angel part of you that says, "you can do it. you're so good. go for it."

and theres the devil part that says, "you suck so bad you shouldnt even try."

in my investigation of evil, i think that the purest evil is that little part of your brain that convinces us that we cannot accomplish our goals - as little or as big as they might get. and one way that we can stop that part from growing is to quit listening to the outside forces of negativity.

kirsten says, "so i shouldnt read any of the bad reviews that will come friday when my new movie opens?"

i say, "from losers who have made a career out of retelling plots and giving away the endings of movies? uh, no."

kirsten says, "but what if they're right?"

i say, "if they were so smart, they wouldnt be writing for the cleveland plain dealer or Good Morning America or whereever they get paid to comment on what Sam Raami did a year ago, they'd be making their own art. fuck the critics."

kirsten says, "but you're a critic."

i say, "thats right, and when you turn 21 you will become eligible to fuck me. until then read Layne on FoxNews.com write about the anniversary of the LA Riots."

kirsten says, "why hasn't he told people on his site that that story is up there on Fox?"

i say, "beats me, probably drunk. or trying to get drunk. or hungover from getting drunk last night."

kirsten says, "maybe he hasnt been able to get Internet access like what happen to the Welches."

i say, "naw, probably drunk and snoring right now. probably hiccuping inbetween snores. probably so damn stinking drunk if you lit a match over his mouth you could use his blow hole like a pilot light. probably so smashed..."

kirsten says, "i get the point."

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kirsten dunst turns 20 today, but all she can do is ask me about the anna kournikova nudes in penthouse.

"are they real?" kirsten asked this morning after i sang her happy birthday. kirsten is an early riser and likes to enjoy tea on her patio and read the entire paper.

"of course they're real," i said, "shes barely a b-cup, how could they be fake?"

"the photos!" she said, "god!"

"oh, those, i dont know, i havent seen them yet."

"aren't you at all curious?" kirsten asked.

"there are many things that im curious about, but naked 20 year olds are now off my list." i said and then consider my statement and conclude that i am a fool. it's too late to retract them.

"what was that?" she asked.

"i said, its a bummer about the kings losing last night. i thought they could pull it off."

"'The photographs are so dissimilar to Miss Kournikova that anyone who knows her, when they see the photos, will immediately know that the magazine did it on purpose to exploit her and make some additional money,'" Kirsten read to me. This apparently was a statement from the tennis star's lawyer.

"I wouldnt know anything about exploiting Anna," I said.

"But you know what she looks like naked, right?" kirsten asked.

"That girl's clothes leave very little to the imagination, and if you ask me clothes are way sexier, most the time, than a girl topless on the beach with a latin singer with a mole, that i think i prefer the photos that she has posed for," i said.

"yes but are these photos real?" demanded kirsten.

"probably. she was caught topless sunbathing last year with her cousin. it's no big deal, why are you so hung up on it?" i asked the swedish actress who has recently broken up with her leading man.

"im just scared they might do that to me one day." she said.

"it's just boobies." i said. "and if you're smart you'd tell Penthouse where you'll be sunbathing, tell them to write you a check for a cool million, let them click away and then you look like the victim and they look like theyve got something fantastical. but basically everyone wins, including the teen boys."

"sometimes tony," kirsten said, stirring her tea, "i really love your mind."

"oh, why thank you," i said.

"and sometimes, i think you're just a sad little twisted perv." and thats how i started my day.

Halfway around the world in Croatia, Anna won her opening round match against Julia Vakulenko, ranked 118th in the world, in three sets.

this is the first time that anna has made it past the first round in a tournament. her next opponent in the Croatian Bol Ladies Open is Tina Pisnik of Slovenia who won the tournament two years ago.

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april was historic for this site. tonypierce.com surpassed 300,000 hits this month! i think thats a lot.

the baby on the right has a tshirt from the babyhell section of tshirthell.com. they have some of the most outrageous tshirts ive ever seen. i feel guilty liking some of the shirts, they are so distasteful.

and yet they are the only ad that i place on this site.

friends of mine continue to write me, despite the fact that i dont write back. one good friend today said that he had a little extra money and he would help flow the Snoop Fund if i allowed friends to donate, but since i dont, he'll think of another way to help me get the sweet ride from Cadillac.

well, heres two ways you can help, friends. any time you want a disgusting tshirt as a gift or for yourself, click the baby. i get $4 a tshirt. pretty nice.

and, any time you want to buy something at Amazon.com click the book or cd or dvd on the left hand column of this blog first.

i think they give me 3% or something. if you can remember, fine, if not, thats okay, im doing well.

my man kurt from hemr.net threw $5 into the Snoop Fund. Thanks, bro.

did everyone see nay's new layout?

what about that thing on metafilter where they showed you what seats to ask for on planes for the most leg room?

the communication age, friends.

besides the newspaper, the web site will destroy the LA Times's one too.

i forgot to tell you that at the party on friday the dude from eve 6 was there. it was a college kegger party and eve is there all tall and tattooed and his girlfriend is tall too and all i can recall is her hips were perfect for those new jeans and she wore them and they sat on the couch in front of the bigscreen, this was before one of the twins popped "Blondage 3" in the dvd.

what the LA Times needs to understand is that my kids will never have to deal with videocassettes. of all technology in my lifetime, i think that videotapes were the most loved. no one really talked about them, but for the most part, videos are reliable, reasonably priced, easy to use, easy to stack and store, and innocent of all sin.

and yet, the video tape will be replaced by a hard drive and the compact disc and/or dvd.

just like the Times will be replaced.

and if they survive, they will appear antiquated and lo-fi, charming and nostalgic.

old school and dignified.

but not good.

kitchy.

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anna said, no way are you broken up with ashley.

i said, swear to God.

she said, you love her too much for that. plus you've been together for a year or some shit.

i said, why dont you just worry about Emeril.

she said, who?

i said, your boyfriend.

she said, i dont have a boyfriend.

i said, that mexican singer guy who's dad used to--

she said, you mean Enrique?

i said, yeah, that dillweed.

she said, Enrique is not my boyfriend, and he's sweet, shut up.

i said, ok, later.

she said, wait wait, come fly with me, lets go to tahoe.

i said, some of us work for a living.

she said, hahaha, you, work, that would be a change.

so i said, what would we do in tahoe?

she said, we'd drink.

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this isnt really a diary, i hand write my diary. but when i was a kid i used to write down how the cubs did at the end of each diary entry so that i could try to see if there would be a correlation between my day and the day the cubs had in our mutual quest for greatness.

so like if i was sad, id say "so...life sucks. god that teacher is a jerk. and to top it off people, cubs lost."

one way that you know this isnt a diary is i dont compain on here. a diary is a great place to complain. great because you dont bother anyone else and you can use it for reference the next time you feel low.

one thing i loved about bukowski, he hardly ever seemed depressed. and he had a lot to be depressed about.

ok, its 335am, maybe i can fall asleep now.

layne linked to my LA Riots 10 Years after thing calling it a photo essay, but its only two pages long.

i met this guy at a party after the incredible Tsar show on friday. he said that he had read my blog and he suggested that im living a great life.

i said, i leave out all the bad parts.

and i make up a bunch of lies.

i will tell you though that at this party there was a keg, porn on the big screen that had perfect sound, and 90 per cent of the girls were really hot.

but that was friday.

today was sunday.

today the cubs lost both games of a double header.

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