tony + mary!
busblog at gmail dot com

nothing in here is true


   Saturday, October 04, 2003  
you know why the cubs lost tonight?

so we could remember harry caray.

cuz you know what harry would have said tonight while signing off after the cubbies 6-4 loss to the braves whose final out was a 398 foot drive from sammy sosa in the bottom of the ninth with a man on?

he would have said, if only sammy had one more biscuit for breakfast...

i miss you harry caray, white haired drunkard saint from paradise

thick glasses thick lips the michaelangelo of baseball broadcasting.

the cubs were so close to tying up the game in the bottom of the ninth off a visibily ailing john smoltz that sammy hopped after he hit it.

but the storybook writers wanted to see a game five in atlanta, and thats fine.

my true love and i volunteered at a school and helped paint it and fix it up with a whole bunch of great people. it's amazing what a lot of people can do to a big school in just 4-5 hours. just four of us painted the entire inside of a classroom while others painted murals, and redid the garden, and painted every single building.

sadly it meant that we were tardy for the ballgame and i didnt get a chance to watch the game with my friends, which, as you know, every time ive done so, the cubs have won.

so they will be invited tomorrow afternoon and we will watch kerry wood take the chicago cubs into the national league championship series against the florida marlins.

and the braves fans will cry in their moonshine

and the cubs will only be four wins away from the world series.

which means right now theyre five wins away from the world series.

but like i said, because kerry wood is pitching tomorrow against that chump mike hampton the cubs only really have four wins to worry about, cuz tomorrow is no worry.

mike hampton has only had one good year, way back when there were only three networks, the last year that he played with the mets. since then he failed with the astros and failed with the rockies.

this year he developed a spitball of some sort because he ended up with 16 miraculous wins, making this the only other good year that hes ever had other than that one year with the mets.

but even if hampton gets lucky with the sandpaper thats in his mitt, the braves obviously will be without their best closer and their best outfielder, and if you think chippers gonna hit two homers off kerry youre as high as rush limbaugh who still has never said that he isnt a druggie.

did i tell you i had a great time with my true love?

so good that i fell asleep to the cubs on tivo, woke up, rewounded it, watched them lose, and still danced around my freshly cleaned hollywood hideaway, guardedly confident of the cubs chances, and thrilled that i have the coolest exgirlfriends in history.

cubs are going to wipe their ass with mike hampton and the braves tomorrow.

you'll see.

lily + petey + snl dude

   Friday, October 03, 2003  
one game away, baby

caption this, please

can you believe what a beautiful morning this is? i cant. im loving this do drugs no problem policy that the republicans have just ushered in.

thank you, republicans.

this might convince me to become a republican, like most of my readers are.

i think i have always been clear about this, but maybe not, so let me repeat myself: this drug war is a load of bullshit aimed to keep the poor poor, the cops rich and too powerful, and the minorities in prison.

zero tolerance is fascist.

everyone knows that. thats why rush wont have his mansion confiscated for having thousands of illegally-gotten pharmacuticals, which if found on a brotha, the brotha would have a possession and an intent to distribute rap against him, and all his shit would get taken away from him, including, cash, cars, and whatever else the cops wanted to say he got through his dealing.

the leader, president, senator, political party that finally calls bs on the bs and releases the "criminals" who were popped with victimless crimes like possession, or use, will get my allegiance.

the rest of the two faced lying hypocrites, like rush, and bush who chose yesterday to stand out on a limb with his hateful mouthpiece, can eat it.

rush has obviously proven that prescription narcotics are far more addictive and destructive than the medical marijuana that he was against us giving cancer patients and the terminally ill here in california. therefore if the so called Drug Czar wants to target a dangerous drug trend he needs to look no further than those who abuse prescribed medications and illegally obtain them.

otherwise the Drug Czar is just a hypocrite and an extension of the racist system.

meanwhile the cubs are going to beat the shit out of the braves.

read how Rush, this morning, did not deny that he is a dirty lying drug addict.

dawn + raspil + jack bog
drugs are legal today. take as many as you want. narcotics especially.

and we can all thank rush cuz aint no way hes going to go to jail for being in the middle of a drug ring, which means if you want to have a little dope, go for it.

best part?

best part is when rush gets off, that will officially mark the end of the Drug War.

cuz if the allegations are true, and of course the allegations are true, please let them be true, if they are true, in the middle of a war, you have to punish your enemy.

and rush limbaugh is in direct conflict with americas war on drugs and therefore an ememy and therefore must be punished.

just like youd punish an enemy of any other war america's financially and morally invested in.

and just like rush himself told the nation 8 years ago, almost to the day:
"Let's all admit something.

"There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up."

October 5, 1995
two years before that, sixty percent of us federal prisons were packed with people convicted for drug crimes.

so if rush doesnt go to jail for this huge drug crime, then what are jails for? just minority druggies?

i will never have the amount of drugs on my possesion that rush limbaugh was alleged having.

and since rush will never spend a night in jail for his drug use, etc., then i will never spend a night in jail on drug crimes.

which means you wont ever spend a night in jail on drug crimes.

which means the war is over.

so when you think someone is worthless and you cant understand why that sonofabitch is so successful now you know why. because there is a special plan for his life. and in this case it was to be the exception to the rule.

its ok for rush to do drugs.

many as he wants.

and since this is a fair country

it will soon be ok for you to do drugs.

i cant wait till you can be an admitted hitler loving groper and then be elected governor.

john rocker defends rush's racist views + the freeway blogger + the buzz machine

   Thursday, October 02, 2003  
im not sure i could be in a better mood. lets forget the fact that a nice young lady came over last night to make me feel better about the cubs losing and squirmed around with the moonlight shining all over her making me wonder how on earth i get such top ranked models who end up feeling so comfortable around me that they dare me to do anything i want with their amazing bodies.

lets forget that the cubs are going to play at wrigley field tomorrow evening with a very good chance of going up two games to one in the first round of the national league playoffs, with the fourth game taking place at the corner of clark and addison.

lets even forget that my favorite band tsar has a new cd ready to come out, with tracks already leaked to the busblog, and these are some of the hardest hitting, punk rock glam pop ive ever heard.

ok, lets not forget those things. even though its hard to when the biggest plum of them all, the mouthpeice of the republican national party, the fattest, grossest, most high-fallutin, unapologetic racist lying sack of righteous shit gets outted for his prejudiced ways on wednesday which lead to his near instant resignation from espn - a job he shouldnt have had in the first place.

and then the national enquirer of all places, exposes him for having a Serious drug problem involving getting his maid of all people to get him tens of thousands of OxyContin pills over the last four years.

pardon me while i gloat.

this is the same Rush Limbaugh who would be going crazy right now if a big time liberal talk show host got busted being a drug abuser, and a liar, and for getting his maid to do his dirty work for him, and for meeting at a dennys parking lot to trade cigar boxes (he passes her the cigar box of cash, she passes him the cigar box full of his dirty pills) instead of doing the deals at his mansion.

this is the same Rush Limbaugh who... is RUSH LIMBAUGH!

anointed posterboy of the right who, when they cant hide behind allegedly knowing something about the economy, or foreign affairs, pretend that they are the moral party and that the dems are not.

how fucked up must it be for clear headed conservatives to look at the budget crisis, to look at the mess in iraq, and then look at the cia bungle; and then be forced to look at rush on the same day that their golden hope of a recall in california, arnold, the son of a nazi police chief, admits that he did grope "some" of the women who are claiming that he inappropriately touched.

all of this makes the clinton era truly look like camelot.

since it was, after all.

so im thinking if they threw tommy chong in the slam for a year for selling the plastic to use the "drugs", rush should get at least a year for buying tens of thousands of real drugs.

but thats just me. chief justice pierce.

drudge, of course, buries it + punk pony

   Wednesday, October 01, 2003  
youre not going to just show up and sweep the atlanta braves. not when youre leaving men on base, not when dave veres is on the mound, not when randall simons on the basepath, not when sammy sosa is that close to a homer but not a homer, and not when youre giving up 400 foot doubles to noname secondbasemen like mark derosa.

the bad news is the cubs lost.

the good news is they only have to win two games and hey, lookit, the next two games are in the friendly confines of wrigley field.

and the best news is mark prior will be pitching, and he pitches for the cubs.

the team of dustiny.

the team doomed to get into the second round against frisco, who also lost today

also to make the ratings better

also the Team That Shouldnt Be.

still that doesnt mean that im not depressed and confused and frustrated and uptight cuz i didnt even know what channel the game was going to be on until way too late.

still that doesnt mean that im not mad at myself for not praying to the lord above last night to help the cubs win tonight and instead floated away to zzzzland in the arms of the hottest cheerleader in east hollywood. forgetting my priorities. lost in the heat of the moment. drunk in the euphoria of recent victory.

so now the boys go back north where they belong for two games that will be loud and historic and full of energy like baseball hasnt seen in a mighty long time.

and they will go back knowing that they can beat this braves team and they can even do it on the road. if they have to. which they might have to. but they wont have to.

unless they have to.

but they wont.

cuz they'll stop going to dumb dave veres. excardinal. and secret enemy.

mindy is the most beautiful cam girl around
even though im a deeply religious man when it comes to the cubbies i can be quite superstitius. blame it on baseball.

last night i was wearing one of my favorite shirts, a beastie boys basketball reversible short sleeve. it says something like Tony's Barbershop or something, i dont know. i do know that karisa has the exact same one. but i look better in it than she does so she doesnt sport it as much.

anyway, it was the perfect shirt for last night watching the game because, as you know the cubs didnt score for the first four innings despite filling the bases a few times.

so when whalen went to the bathroom i got up and reversed my shirt and also closed the window shade. anything to change things up.

and as you know the cubs responded with four big runs that inning and everything went great.

youre welcome.

so now i havent shaved since the cubs clinched this weekend. im wearing the same hat. im trying to do the same things. i invited the same people over. if need be i will order the same pizzas (one sausage and peperoni for us, one pineapple extra cheese for the cubfans who aint here), drink the same beer (mgd) and drink the same rum (bacardi light).

ive even arranged to have the same girl come over after the game and do the same stuff to each other.

anything that needs to be done will be done, and if things arent working out i will adjust.

but tonight i might not to do much adjusting as carlos zambrano, the personality of the cubs pitching staff, climbs the mound at turner field.

funny thing about turner field. as you may know Ted Turner the owner of the braves is also the brains behind CNN and TBS. when he got the olympic committe to pay for his $250 million park he had a lot of people he could name the sparkling new park after: brave great and home run king Hank Aaron, georgia native president Jimmy Carter, or even atlanta-native Martin Luther King Jr.

but ted decided to name it after his favorite person instead.


karmas a bitch.

watch zambrano shut out teds braves in the field that shoulda been named after a brotha.

jeff p. mcmanus + happy belated birthday, libra + i heart tiffany even if she wont let me take her on a date
thank you for all you who lost to me in the busblog fantasy baseball league

here's your chance at revenge

Yahoo Fantasy NBA Hoops League - Busblog Edition

League ID#: 10898
Password: blogger
Live Draft Time: Sunday, October 5 at 3:00 pm PDT

click here to join

some times i dont want a lot of people over at the house. sometimes i like to watch games by myself. last night i didnt want anyone over but whalen from tsar was so excited about all of this that i said fine, then os called up, then basart wanted to join in, and i didnt want to be mean to anyone or be negative or anything at all incase it would bring about bad karma, so i got off work a little early, took a shower and opened my home to my friends.

whalen is a rock star, and looks even moreso with his newly dark dyed hair and had all these funny theories. he kept saying that his dodgers would have done a lot better this year if only the pitchers would have hit better.

i blame the pitchers, he said.

and we laughed.

and then kerry wood, one of the two pitching aces of the cubs got two super-important hits and i screamed THE WHALEN THEORY IN FULL EFFECT! and we high fived each other and drank beer and rum and ate pizza and laughed and laughed.

ah, thank you atlanta for making me so happy.

jeff hasnt been watching baseball for all that long, but recently he has been watching it like a hawk, and was asking me all these questions about the rules.

hey tony, can a pitcher shave off his goatee in between innings?

hmmm, yes, i guess so.

can he return with a big fake moustache?

hahahahaha, dont think so.

but he did stump me on this one:

hey tony, if a pitch hits the ground and bounces before it crosses the plate, what happens if the batter hits it?

i wanted to say it would be a foul ball, but after thinking about it, the batter would be punished with a strike or a strike out if he swung and missed, so now im thinking if he hit it it would count as a hit.

any experts out there?

so today i didnt shave, im wearing the same red-billed cubs hat that i wore yesterday, i have invited my friends back over to the pad, and we will imbibe on more beer and rum.

and this time mr. carlos zambrano will take it to the braves and the flukey mike hampton.

cubs all the way, people.

totally awesome + future world ruler + prison guard tells all

   Tuesday, September 30, 2003  
gabrielle union totally wants me. who can blame her.

i save the world, my team is in the playoffs, people comment on my blog.

on paper, im the man.

but youd think that a big star like gabrielle union would want someone more powerful than just a blogger, but maybe not. maybe shes bored with guys with lots of money and fancy clothes and perfumed handkerchiefs poking out of their suit coat pockets.

she obviously wants a guy who knows the difference from html 2.0 and 3.0, as most of the fly bitches desire these days.

gabrielle union wants to talk about cascading style sheets, but you know what, if i had a dime for every hollywood starlet who wanted to talk about design and structure as just a sly way to get into my wranglers then id have, shit, four five bucks by now. easy.

i dont know why we still hang out.

gabrielle and i.

youd think its cuz of the sex, but the sex isnt all that out of the ordinary.

and she doesnt like my place much, so we always have to go to her house. in the hills. and chill in the hot tub.


and she doesnt like sports

or porn

or late night nerf basketball challenges.

and she doesnt read much. not anything any good, just scripts and trashy novels.

im trying to get her into bukowski but she keeps saying, im not you, i dont like this junk.

she likes classy things.

like the way i talk in my sleep in french.

or the way i tease her

or the way i make toast and butter and jam when shes hung over

the secret is cutting the toast diagonally

i learnt that one from my true love

who i will see on saturday

early in the morning


betsy + dancing + crispy duck + sara k doesnt even have to try to write better than i
exclusive interview with atlanta braves starting pitcher russ ortiz

pierce, i hear youre talking shit about me and spreading lies.


whats this shit about my mom not loving me and me being a fan of the red hot chili peppers? since when is that bad.

dumbass, i said that you were down with the clown.


the insane clown posse. i am telling people that you are into the rap metal stylings of the detroit white rappers who dress up in kiss makeup.

but thats so not even true.


so. SO? so what is wrong with you man.

aint nothing wrong with me man, im just writing up a little blog and trying to psyche out the braves.

and whats this crap about me losing a third of my games? ive only lost a fourth of my games.

details details. in your last six games, youve won three and lost two. youre on a downward spiral, trent, and the cubs are going to make mincemeat of you, mouse.

maybe you dont know the history going on here, tony, atlanta swept the Cubs in the 1998 playoffs, few teams have played the Cubs tougher than the Braves over the last decade. Atlanta is 49-35 against Chicago since 1994, and the Cubs haven't won a season series since 2000.

all the cubs need to do is beat your sweaty ass tonight, mr big talker, and all that bullshit is flushed down the Okefenokee. and russ, you just started playing with the braves this year, so f the past.

f the past? fine, my Braves took three of four in early July against the cubs at wrigley.

big whoop, the cubs split a two-game series in atlanta in july, if they do the same today and tomorrow i bet you right now RIGHT NOW that they dont take no three of four at wrigley in rocktober.

tony, youre so deluded, the ex cub greg maddux is 11-3 against the Cubs, and a perfect 2-0 this year. my boy vinny castilla was 11-of-15 with two homers and 10 RBIs at wrigley. And we destroyed your goldenboy markey prior 9-5 in july 11. he allowed six runs, six hits and walked three in 4 2/3 innings. your cubs are toast.

always thinking about food, fat boy, arent you? cubs arent toast, theyre butter, as in everythings going to happen so smoothly. first your asses removed, just like it always happens in october, and then the gyros. and i bet you get a blister on your finger and dont even get through the first inning.

i hate you tony pierce. you make my feelings hurt.

im sorry russ ortiz.

i know.

no really.

just leave me alone.



i hate the kids + pas longtemps + bitty boo
the world is throwing me curveballs this morning but i dont care. its playoff time. the busses are late. the work is crazy, my dream girl isnt mine any more, the dream job is gone, the other job isnt even sniffing around, i havent gotten any in 2-3 business days, im not even certain that my tivo is ready.

but i dont care. today is showtime, today are the playoffs.

if i was a real blogger, id have bunting on the blog header instead of tsar, but theyre calling all the destroyers. buntings for closers. there will be bunting tomorrow.

got in early to work today so i can leave early and see the game. whalens coming over, os is coming over, if welch reads this, welch you should probably come over too. ive got some beer. ive got some pizza coupons, and lord knows ive got absinthe.

youd think id be more prepared but im not. this is all a beautiful dream to me. this is all going to the bar and saying the things you say to the ladies and one of them says ok. and youre all, what do you mean ok. and shes all, i mean ok. and your music isnt ready and theres not clean sheets and your condoms are buried underneath stacks of playboys and you fumble for them in the darkness and theres no candles and no whipped cream and no bacon and eggs for the morning, but its ok, just put your head down and do what you have to do.

and today what we have to do is knock mr russ ortiz whos full of cheese off the mound at turner.

russ ortiz the former giant, the guy who hurled 21 wins this year. the gemini from encino. the man who wasnt there. the ace of the braves vaunted pitching staff. the man who made maddux seem like an afterthought. the only pitcher in the playoffs who dusty baker singlehandedly turned into a superstar.

but russ ortiz lost seven games this year cubs fans. one third of his games he lost. keep remembering that. keep remembering that he gave up 100 walks this year. and hes fat. and hes ugly. and his momma dont like him cuz hes into the insane clown posse and he says hed vote for mclintock.

remember that russ ortiz has an eating disorder and he cheats on his taxes and his corns are leaky and his teeth arent ever clean.

remember that russ ortiz believes that women do not have the right to choose, and that hes afraid of sammy sosa and the cubs.

russ ortiz hasnt faced the cubs this year, cuz hes frightened. and he should be. the cubs are on fire. and the fire's gonna burn like sherman through georgia and loop around and head to the frisco bay and everythings going to get real good when dusty faces his old team again.

but tonight dusty faces his old ace and his ace should be scared cuz of russ ortiz's seven losses, three have been in the last two months.

sure he shut out montreal and florida in his last two outings that didnt mean nothing, but before that he gave up four runs and five walks against the marlins on september 13 and six runs off six hits against the lowly mets on september 3.

kerry wood on the other hand, who takes the mound for the red hot cubbies, hasnt given up six runs total over his last six games, sports fans.

infact since late august mr kerry wood has given up only 5 runs total over the last six games, and has 59 strikeouts.

he racked up 12 strikeouts in his last game over seven innings, and 11 in the game before that, a complete game shut out.

cubs are going to womp on the tomahawking braves and the busblog prediction is that it will be cubs 8, braves 0.

maizzy + katie hall + kitty bukkake

   Monday, September 29, 2003  
if i could be anywhere in the world right now it would be doing jello shots with karisa in zuma until the marine layer burns off.

but since thats not possible since we both have real jobs that prevent us from actually living our lives, i will instead dream of where i might be if i wasnt here in chopper one flying over the haze and smog of hollywood wishing someone would tell me who to chase or kill or follow or fuck up.

today i wish i was back being an fbi test pilot. most testers dont actually fly all the planes, sometimes we have to test other things. gross things, like torture devices, like poisons, like quote unquote drugs, like esp techniques, like powers of manipulation.

you are getting sleepy, for example, very sleepy.

one of the things we tested a long long time ago was a device that would allow us to walk on water, very much like that pictured.

scary thing was it wasnt water that we tested it on, it was acidic liquid that had lots and lots of nasty chemicals in it.

and it was on fire.

and people were shooting at us.

needless to say we figured out how to do it, but it wasnt a bulletproof solution because that item sunk right away, poor merle.

supertsar7: im totally writing about you
karissssa: haha- what about?
supertsar7: how i wish i was doing body shots with you in zuma right now
karissssa: mmmmmm.....
karissssa: totally.
supertsar7: i think youd want me to shave my chest and or belly before taking a body shot off me
karissssa: haha- i don't mind chest hair.
supertsar7: you have just leapfrogged yourself as the coolest girl in america
karissssa: hahahahahahaha! yay!

jd + utter wonder + kate sullivan record reviews!
in the winter of 1977 i sat in the south endzone and watched walter payton run for 275 yards against the minnesota vikings at soldier field. this was the view i had.

bears sucked so bad in 77 that walter didnt even score a touchdown that day and we barely won 10-3.

tonight soldier field will re-open and if i had had my shit together i would have had a nice full page picture of the newly renovated stadium on my main page, but when i drove past it last week it looked like a spaceship taking a dump in a roman toilet.

hopefully the bright lights and pretty cameras of abc's monday night football will make it seem nicer.

and maybe brett favre will stub his toe and not feel like destroying the lowly bears.

needless to say i dont have the highest hopes for my hometown team and im not super thrilled with what they did to my favorite football stadium, but if theres one thing ive learned in my 109 years on this planet it's that shit happens and when it involves the mayor of chicago its usually terrible shit that nobody would have ever have happened in a zillion years.

the inside of the stadium looks like the new arena in jacksonville. you know what, fuck jacksonville.

the outside of the stadium looks like a transformer and you know how i feel about transformers? i think theyre gay.

and i see lots of skyboxes for the richies who dont want to get brrrr cold as they watch the bears lose next to the frigid lake and you know what? f the richies and how dare they even come to soldier field unless they want to freeze their pampered asses off with the rest of us.

personally i hope godzilla comes out of the lake, takes a dump in this space age commode and then pulls the lever and the whole thing just swirls down into the depths below.

where it belongs.

right next to the guy who put lights up in wrigley.

malatemail + the blog of the century of the week + chokey chicken
most people dont know that im a minister. a real one. just as real as any of the others.

i didnt go to school or anything like that but the good book doesnt say you have to go to school.

infact the good book doesnt say much about being a preacher. preachers pretty much preach and the people pretty much listen or dont. one reason i like the good book so much is cuz most of the people dont listen, and thats when the kookiness begins.

so yes im a preacher. and i take it very seriously. so seriously that i pretty much keep my mouth shut about it cuz if im wrong i would hate to be the one to lead people down the wrong path. im not sure i could do anything worse than giving someone the wrong spiritual advice. and since there are very few people who look at the bible the way that i do, it makes me very nervous to tell people the things that i think about it.

one of the duties, as you might know, that ministers have, is the power to perform marriage ceremonies.

in a little less than a month i will preform that duty with two of my very favorite people.

last night they brought over kfc and we went over the ceremony.

it was really really really nice.

i cant really tell you all the super nice things that we went over, and some of the suprises, cuz some of you will be at the wedding, but i can tell you that if this is what the pre-wedding meeting with the preacher is all about, im all about it.

very sweet.

thank you, friends, for allowing me to be such a big part of your very special day.

aftwerwards i laid my little head on my sofa and watched half of ghost world, which i really liked and then i fell into a deep deep peaceful sleep.

in that sleep i had a dream. a magical dream of swirly dark blue colors and shooting lights and twinkley stars and gaseous clouds.

i heard a telephone ring and i picked it up.

it appeared to be the soft cute sounds of a teenage princess. not the one from the previous entry, but one who i had met before. it sounded like my old pal ashley.

she said things to me and i said things back. she asked me questions and i answered them. but because it wasnt a dream, because it was really real life disguised as a dream i told her things that i probably wouldnt have told her in real life.

nothing that i was ashamed of, but things that i knew she would react to negatively and probably arent any of her business since she really has no business with me any more.

and i am a man of the cloth, but im also a cubs fan, and oddly enough, i havent had much of a relationship with ashley since before this major league baseball season started and look what happened: the cubs made it to the playoffs.

and theres pitchers who wont change their hats for good luck, and some who wont touch the foul line when they walk off the field, some who might not have any sex on game day, or some who eat chicken before each game.

well me and the young girl from vegas havent had much communication this baseball season and shes trying to get me to hang out with her and im starting to think that i should probably just keep doing whatever it is that ive been doing this year and not change a thing cuz the cubbies, im telling you, that pitching staff is good but theres no bullpen really.

and the rest of you cubs fans ought to think about what you did this year and dont change your shit up.

and of course i plead to you to continue to pray.

game one of the national league playoffs begins tomorrow when the cubs go down to georgia to face the braves in ted turner field.

ny times talks about the sac bee blog, but where is the ny times blog? + bettie girl + flinkrant

   Sunday, September 28, 2003  
why on earth would this sweet little twelve year old princess be crying on her wedding day?

could she be bawling over the raiders and how sloppilly theyve played this year and especially today.

is she nervous about the mighty bravos and the sheff and javy and chipper and the professor.

do you think that shes depressed that she only has five percent of the likely voters pledged to her in the california governors race?

its a plus or minus three percent, i tell her, but she just keeps crying and fingering her garter belt.

teenage princess bride to bes are nothing if not fussy.

rock that outkast she whispers and i find the remote and play her song.

its happy.


full of words that bounce right past us, could be calling for the revolution for all anyone knows but the melody is about beach parties and summer camp.

her dad doesnt care that she doesnt really know the boy five years her elder who do we really know he thinks and its true, who do we really know.

they tell her to go over there so she goes over there. they tell her to smile and she smiles and then she sees that the place is packed and she says fuck this in romanian and runs out like any sane twelve year old princess bride would.

white trail of freedom dancing right behind her.

still has some baby teeth.

not even

a teen.

but old enough to know

what forever means.

makeout city + alecia + circa 77
caption this, please

if i could be anywhere in the world right now it would be with you.

but since thats impossible, i guess i would be in the bleachers of wrigley field, and then in atlanta on tuesday and wednesday for the first two games of the playoffs.

good seats are still available.

do you think theres a newspaper or magazine or website crazy enough to let me travel around the world and write for them about it? i dont. might be a little too punk rock for most sensibilities.

plus, why should anyone buy the cow if the milk is free.

im giving this shit away in the gallon sized. photo essays, two or three posts a day. why would details want a reason for their readers to return to their site two three times a day.

im sure they have enough ad click thrus on their site.

why would the la times want to stop their steady decline through suckiness? everything theyve done on their website theyve done wrong, so why would they want to make a u-turn and get a blog?

why would anyone want a blog?

why would any big time company or magazine or newspaper want the headache that the sacramento bee is having right now by getting all those hits, and visitors and page views and ad clicks throughs.

for christmas im going to throw the bee a pity party and give their editorial board tshirts that say tired of sex.

crazy how people can make success a bad thing.

ow, youre getting champagne in my eye!

right now i would be driving half way from chicago to atlanta. i would be at a pro football game then i would take the instapundit to dinner in knoxville.

then i would be in georgia on monday and there would be a blogger party and i bet i wouldnt be the only cub fan in attendence.

if i could be anywhere or do anything thats what i would do.

and i bet the pictures would come out good too.

real life preacher + bored housewife + blam blog
i dont think most of you understand, this thing isnt supposed to look like this, its not supposed to read like this, its not supposed to be like this. its supposed to be punk rock and edgy, arty and poetic, sexy and surreal, scary and hairy and all kinds of weird turned into weirder still.

and all the fly ladies are supposed to throw their virtual panties while the cash money millionaires offer me better deals than the next.

but i'll take what is instead. which is this. and by this i mean the busblog writing something true and good and real and surreal and weird and wonderful and sexy and hopeful and ideal and rockin and beautiful.

the cubs made it.

today they slammed the door on the central and they said fuck houston, fuck st. louis, and fuck pittsburg with a doubleheader sweep.

as if it werent a thing.

theres two ways i could handle this. i could do what i did all year and try to play it cool, or i could write about the cubs every day like you know i should.

after the game karisa invited me over to eat some of her homemade clam chowdah.

it was pretty damn good.

what the cubs did today they havent done in 14 years. that means some of the girls ive dated lately were 5 years old the last time my team was in the playoffs. my shit is so wrong.

best part of karisas chowder was the bacon. nice little tasty morsals. how ya gonna beat that.

for her sake i hope the redsox make it to the world series against the cubs.

and i hope it gets to a seventh game, cuz everyone knows that the last four times the sox were in the world series they lost in the seventh game. but thats mean.

wouldnt mind taking on the yankees either.

but first its the might hotlanta braves. a team that took four out of six from the cubbies during the regular season.

but you know what.

fuck atlanta who always rolls over in rocktober anyway and then bring on the giants.

the way wont be easy

but it will be good.

prior sosa


and wood.

bad dream theater + life with mikey + jason sutter