mariah
is nervous because shes gonna be on david letterman tonight and
shes gonna sing. i teller that she shouldnt be nervous, "you really
can sing!" but she says that a lot of freaky bad shit has gone
down this year and what if something crazy happens on national tv?
im the
worst person to cry to. not cuz i dont care, i do, but im always trying
to make jokes and mariah is the easiest person to kid. so i say, "yeah,
a light could fall on you, or paul might say something, or one of those
dogs from stupid pet tricks might run out and pee on your leg."
she calls
me all the time with this and i just make dumb jokes and she laughs
at some and gets mad at the others and i dont know why she keeps calling,
but the other day she was over and we'd had a long day and we were spooning
on the couch watching Howard Stern and she was sorta crying softly and
whispering this never ending list of things that have gone wrong in
her life and i had just eaten, had a beer, and smoked one of those truly
american cigarrettes and i fell asleep on her! and i woke up with her
pushing me off of her and her pulling her jeans over these plaid pink
panties that allegedly has a matching bra, if you know what i mean.
it's not
that i dont care, i do i do. its just that men want to be able to solve
problems, not talk about them. if the john is dirty, you clean the john,
you dont call your best friend and talk about how it makes you feel.
while i
was chasing her i slipped on my runner carpet in my hallway and made
a super loud noise. mariah stopped in her tracks, turned around and
said, "oh baby, are you okay?"
im okay.